I'm Rodney Dezmund Part VI

I'm Rodney Dezmund.  Guitarist of neo-pre-post band The Hardcore Jollies, Mitch Masterson, has a reputation for being quite a hot headed and violent tempered thug.  News stories of Masterson's run ins with the law seem to surface weekly and they're usually a result of his insane outbursts and uncontrollable rage.  At least that's what the media would have you believe.  Mitch seems to have spent the better part of his life looking out at the world from behind iron bars and barbed wire fences.  And when he's not seeing the world from behind bars, he's usually seeing it from behind some two dollar hooker's big ass.  Mitch Masterson lives fast and hard.  However, there is a more gentle side to Mitch that is rarely seen by the general public.  Over the weekend, I had the pleasure to visit Mitch at his upstate New York mansion and listen to some of his new material.  Mitch and his lovely wife of the moment, Twatta, cooked a huge feast consisting of homemade haggis, deviled eggs, and instant mashed potatos drenched in ketchup.  After our meal, Mitch took me into his six-million dollar recording studio, lit up a huge blunt, and threw on some of the tracks from the upcoming Jollies album.  But my attention soon drifted from the sounds booming from the speakers to the incredible collection of Lassie memorabilia that adorned the walls and shelves of the huge studio.  I found it unusual that a man with a reputation like Mitch would be interested, actually, obsessed with such a wholesome all American TV show.  I asked him what it was about Lassie that sparked his interest.  Mitch turned the music down and became very serious.  I thought for a moment he might hit me.  He removed his sunglasses, rubbed his eyes, sighed, and took a long drag from the blunt.  As he exhaled, he explained to me in a very soft spoken and reserved voice that he has felt as though he's been stuck in a well his entire life.  There's never been anybody there to pull him up when he's down.  Lassie represents hope to Mitch.  It's a hope that one day a saviour will hear his screams of pain and run for help.  Pull him out of his deep and dark well.  When Mitch was a youngster, in and out of Juvie, the only show he was allowed to watch while locked up was Lassie.  It was his only guidance and what gave him the little morals that he now has.  When Mitch feels the urge to smash and kill, he thinks about Lassie.  Sometimes it works.  Usually it doesn't.  I asked Mitch why he doesn't have any dogs or pets.  His response?  "I hate fuckin' animals!  I don't even let Lynx in here aside from laying down his vocal parts.  That son of a bitch chewed a huge hole in my ten-thousand dollar sofa once!  Fucker thinks he's a bobcat or some shit.  Bej had to hide all my guns while the other guys held me on the floor and calmed me down.  I was gonna kill that little asshole!  No pets for me, Fucker!  No fuckin' way.  Lassie?  Now, Lassie's different.  She wasn't a dog.  She was a goddess.  There will never be another."

Mitch let me snap some photographs of the memorabilia.  Among the items were a few lunchboxes, an autographed photo of Timmy, a sample of Lassie's fecal matter, and a rare photograph of Lassie with welterweight world champion boxer, Emile Griffith.  Quite a unique collection!